


Waluigi's Big Score (Reuploaded)

by cowboychris



Series: A Series of Essays on the Relativity of Morality [21]
Category: Super Mario & Related Fandoms
Genre: Crack, M/M, anal cavity exploring, smoking weed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-31
Updated: 2020-03-31
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:00:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23404906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cowboychris/pseuds/cowboychris
Summary: Waluigi gets more than he intended in this wacky family-friendly fanfic!
Relationships: Luigi/Guy Fieri, Luigi/Waluigi
Series: A Series of Essays on the Relativity of Morality [21]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/371108
Comments: 1
Kudos: 4





	Waluigi's Big Score (Reuploaded)

**Author's Note:**

> howdy everybody, i got several requests and a very cryptic email to reupload this fanfiction. this was the first fanfic "cowboy chris" ever wrote. believe it or not, me and my friend wrote this in 2015 together for fun and it spiraled into a weird tradition where we get together online and write some weird ass bullshit under the name "cowboy chris." the fact that people wanted us to reupload it is actually kinda sweet and heartwarming. 
> 
> for full transparency -- ao3 deleted a bunch of our fanfictions because of copyright strikes and mistagging. which, ok, fair, because we literally copied and pasted wikipedia pages into our fics for the meme, but also fuck that. we hardly save any of our fanfictions as most of them were written in the moment. luckily, our first (this fic) was written on google docs so i still had a copy of it saved. almost every single one deleted by ao3 is now gone, though, which is sad. but, as long as we have waluigis big score, the one that started it all, we'll be ok. i had to delete the last few paragraphs where we literally just copied and pasted the wikipedia page for the french revolution but it doesn't really take away from the rest of it. 
> 
> sorry to break character everybody. enjoy this piece of shit.

Luigi wiped his face with his distinct cap and put it in his locker, letting out an exhausted sigh. He had just come back from a rough battle against Captain Falcon, who as usual had used his speed and aggression to utterly slam Luigi into the ground. Luigi was on a pretty long losing streak, which grew exhausting after a while. Just as he sat down on a bench to catch his breath, the door to the locker room slammed open. Luigi perked up and saw that familiar, lanky figure stroll in: Waluigi

“Oh hey Waluigi,” Luigi said in a timid tone, too tired for his usual carefree attitude. “How’s it goin’ with you?”  
“Bleh, notheeng good, being an asseest trophee is frustrateeng,” the purple menace replied in his trademark sneer.  
“I feel you there, Wah, being a fighter isn’t easy at all” Luigi mumbled back

This statement seemed to hit some nerve of Waluigi, who stopped in his tracks as a dark expression grew over his face, his pointed features growing more edgy and hostile. He slowly turned towards Luigi, who gave a little jump when he saw the anger in Waluigi’s violet eyes.

“Wat do YOU KNOW about life being easy?” he sneered as he strode forward and flipped the bench Luigi was sitting on, causing him to scramble back against a locker. “You think you have it rough, beeing in Mario’s shadow? TRY BEING IN THE SHADOW OF A 30 TON FATASS! TRY BEING IGNORED FOR 15 YEARS, and only getting invited to those STUPID parties that mario has to gloat about how famous he is!!”

Waluigi’s voice had risen from a scowl to nearly a scream, but as he gazed down at Luigi huddled in fear at his sudden outburst, a sinister smirk spread across his bony face. He kneeled down slowly in front of Luigi, who recoiled in fear and began to tremble gently. Smiling wide to show his wicked teeth, he leaned in to Luigi’s face and whispered,  
“You think your life is so hard, green man? Maybe I need to make it a little…harder.” he sneered, with a glance at luigi’s lower half which was starting to bulge ever so slightly at this point.

Waluigi slammed his fist against the locker right next to Luigi’s head, causing him to stammer out in terror as he moved in for a harsh kiss on Luigi’s face, his pointy nose piercing the soft meat of Luigi’s delicate cheek. Luigi stammered and wriggled for a bit but eventually submit to Waluigi’s omnipresent force, too exhausted to resist the fiendish purple devil’s dark advances. His pant tent was growing now, and he was happy that he forgot to wear underwear this morning.

Waluigi began biting harshly at Luigi’s throat, drawing blood and making Luigi mewl. The hardness of Waluigi’s meat stick began digging into Luigi’s thigh, and he knew what was coming next. Waluigi began unclipping the overalls he wore and quickly pulled them down, revealing the spanx he wore underneath it to keep his fat rolls in. He was supposed to be the skinny one, he couldn’t be as disgusting as Wario. 

“Waluigi…” Luigi breathed, looking sadly at Waluigi’s spanx. “You know your body is beautiful to me…” However, his soft words had the opposite effect on Waluigi he had hoped for. “Sheeeeet up!” He screeches, glaring at Luigi. “I don’t give a SHIET about what you think!” He then reaches behind him, his white glove disappearing beneath the spanx, only to resurface with a sharp blade he pulled straight out of his asshole. He cut the spanx, revealing his chest full of hair and his swollen cock. 

Waluigi then turned the knife on Luigi, cutting through his overalls and revealing his birthday suit. “Waluigi!” Luigi whines, “That was my favorite pair of overalls!” But, Waluigi is unrelentless. He cuts off every bit of clothing on Luigi and throws it in a corner, then turns back towards Luigi and rubs his donger against Luigi’s. 

Luigi instantly moans, his eyes rolling back into his head. “Waluigi, please!” He screams, flailing his arms around to try to balance himself due to Waluigi’s unrelentless thrusting. Waluigi ignores him, and keeps thrusting harshly against Luigi’s micropenis. Luigi looks down, astonished by how long Waluigi’s magic wand was. It was no less than three feet at least, and the tip was swollen purple. From his dick leaked purple precum, smearing against Luigi’s juicy succulent thighs like finger paint. Luigi can hear Waluigi grunting against his ear, and he can tell it isn’t enough for Waluigi. 

Confirming his suspicions, Waluigi grasps his three foot long donger and begins to direct himself towards Luigi’s puckering asshole. “Waluigi, wait…” Luigi whispers, wide eyed. “We don’t have any lube…” Waluigi only roars in response, his johnson throbbing violently. He needed his dick in Luigi’s asshole, now. 

“Bite my hand, Luigi, I’m goin’ in dry!” He screeches, and shoves his gloved hand in between Luigi’s teeth. Luigi barely has any time to brace himself for the pain before Waluigi was shoving his three foot throbbing meat pole into Luigi’s wet asshole.

Luigi screams into the gloved hand between his teeth, and he can hear Waluigi moaning loudly next to his ear. The pain was incredible, but it wasn’t unbearable. This wasn’t their first time doing this, and Luigi has had anal with practically everyone in the nintendo crew. His asshole was stretched, especially from the fisting he usually does with Captain Falcon. However, Luigi can never fully brace himself for Waluigi - his donger was the largest out of anyone in Super Smash Bros. The three feet of Waluigi’s vibrating johnson slide fully into Luigi’s succulent dunghole, and he can feel the tip of Waluigi’s dick poking at his internal organs. 

However, before Waluigi begins to thrust, he pauses. Reaching behind him once again, he pulls out a bag straight from his asshole. “What is that?” Luigi asks, staring wide eyed at the bag in Waluigi’s hand. It contained purple spotted mushrooms, which were all too familiar with Luigi. “What are you going to do?” He asks with a small voice, but Waluigi just grins mischievously and doesn’t answer. 

He opens the ziplock bag and picks a spotted purple mushroom, plucking it into his mouth. Almost instantly, Luigi feels the rock hard donger inside of him grow. It expands almost three times its original size, and Luigi screams again, muffled by Waluigi’s hand still stuffed in his mouth. His asshole is nearing the point of tear, even with the fisting he is usually subjected to. He has never handled a steaming hot meat stick of this size, he wasn’t ready. 

Nevertheless, Waluigi ignores Luigi’s concern and thrusts up into Luigi. Luigi can feel his internal organs being mixed around inside of him, the burrito he ate before sloshing around. He was afraid if this kept on for too long some Dipper Goes to Taco Bell shit would go down. Finally noticing Luigi’s wide eyed look, Waluigi takes his twelve foot johnson out of Luigi’s broken asshole. 

“You can’t handle it, yER WEAK!” Waluigi screams, and Luigi can tell how angry he is. He was so close, yet Luigi’s asshole isn’t trained enough to be able to handle a gorgeous rod like his. Luigi stares at said rod, staring at the purple streaked all along the twelve foot girth of his massive dingaling. “Waluigi, please…” Luigi begs. “I’ll try something else, just, please…” He trails off, looking away. He thinks for a few second, contemplating what ways he can release the massive load of purple baby batter stored within Waluigi’s aching dingdong. Suddenly, he comes up with an idea. 

“Waluigi, can I have one of those mushrooms?” He asks, batting his eyelashes at Waluigi’s red face. Waluigi seems to think about this request for a bit, then slowly nods his head. He pulls the bag out of his asshole again, then hands it to Luigi. Luigi picks up a mushroom from the bag, looking it over. He wonders how he will be able to pull off what he wants to do, but he knows faith and friendship will always win in the end. So, he shoves the mushroom into his mouth, crunching it. Swallowing the chunky bits, he closes his eyes and focuses on the body part he wants to enlarge. 

Suddenly, a large noise erupted from the bottom of him. His asshole had enlarged, so wide the diameter was almost sixteen feet wide. Waluigi looked at it in a mixture of horror and lust, and began to gurgle with excitement. Luigi looked on shly, wondering what was going through Waluigi’s mind. 

“You can have your way with me, Waluigi. Do whatever you want.” Luigi whispers, looking at Waluigi softly. Waluigi gurgles even louder, then begins to advance on Luigi like a beautiful lion stalking his prey. He reaches his gloved hands towards Luigi’s sixteen foot wide asshole, then begins to pry it open even wider. Luigi moans, his face flushing as Waluigi aggressively opens his dunghole as wide as it can get. At this point the diameter is almost twenty feet wide, and Luigi suddenly realizes what is going on at the last minute. 

Waluigi steps inside of Luigi’s gaping asshole. Luigi screams with pleasure, feeling the soft scrub of Waluigi’s hat on the inside walls of his anus. Luigi can feel him walking deeper within his enlarged asshole, the walls growing more narrow the deeper Waluigi gets. Soon enough he needs a flashlight, which he pulls from his own asshole. Exploring the deep depths of Luigi’s succulent, juicy hole, Waluigi only has one mission. He needs to find the prostate. 

Going in deeper, he finds that he needs to crawl on his hands and knees to be able to keep going. He is so far from the opening that there is a total absence of light, the light from the flashlight is the only thing illuminating the path ahead of him. He can’t even hear Luigi moaning anymore, it is completely silent. 

Suddenly, a noise. Waluigi pauses, running his flashlight over the walls of Luigi’s anus. Funny, he thought, perhaps it was just his own imagination. It was so silent, he could hear the beating of his own heart as loudly as his own thoughts. It seemed as though Luigi’s asshole would stretch on forever, perhaps there was no end. Suddenly, another noise, this time sounding like giggling. 

Waluigi holds his breath, shining his flashlight around the anus walls once again. Surely there could be nobody else in here, right? Nobody could possibly be in Luigi’s anus but him. 

However, he feels a presence creep up behind him. Whipping around, Waluigi comes face to face with none other than Guy Fieri himself. Waluigi yelps and drops his flashlight, scooting back as far as his legs will let him move. 

“Brother, chillax.” Fieri soothes, making calming hand gestures. “I’m lost in here just like you.” 

Waluigi narrows his eyes, glaring at the other man. “How did you even GET IN HEEERE??” He screeches. “Luigi’s asshole is MY TERRITORY.” 

Guy Fieri shakes his head, looking off into the distance with an thousand yard stare. “I’ve been stuck in here… since the accident…” 

Waluigi open his mouth to ask about the “accident,” but Guy Fieri cuts him off. “Anyway, since I have a buddy here now, how about we just chill and go to a special place together?” 

“WHERE??” Waluigi asks, his voice breaking. 

Guy Fieri closes his eyes, nodding to himself. “I would say we would go to flavortown, but it is impossible here. I have been living off of anus for three years now.” 

Waluigi has to hold in his horror as Guy Fieri keeps speaking. 

“However, I will take you to a different place. A place more magical than flavortown.” He reaches into one of the pockets in his jorts (jean shorts) and pulls out a baggy. At first, Luigi thinks it’s the same mushrooms he has, but upon looking closer he notices that the mushrooms look funny. They’re green and look like tiny bushes. 

“What is that?” Waluigi asks suspiciously, eyeing the baggy. 

“It’s love, brother, it’s love. Welcome to kushtown.” 

Guy Fieri takes out some rolling paper from his jorts and begins to roll up some fat blunts, giving one to Waluigi. Waluigi stares the blunt in his hand, giving a confused look to Guy Fieri. 

“Am I supposed to EAT THIS?” He screeched indignantly, staring at the kush in disbelief. 

“No, no, no, brother.” Fieri whispers, his voice caked with love. “You’re supposed to smoke it. It’s 4:20 somewhere.” 

He brings out some matches and strikes them on the walls of Luigi’s massive anus. Fire starts up on the match, and Guy Fieri brings the match to Luigi’s blunt first and lights it. He soon lights up his own blunt. 

After taking some time to teach Waluigi how to properly smoke kush, they begin smoking together. They blaze so hard that the air becomes thick with smoke, the two of them sitting together and laughing at memes on Guy Fieri’s Iphone.

Guy Fieri keeps replacing his blunts whenever he runs out, and it seemed as though the blunts would never stop coming. He kept hitting the kush so hard he began to forget where he was, what his name even was. Eventually, his eyes began to get heavy on their own accord, and before he knew it he was asleep. 

In his kush affected dreams, Waluigi sees Luigi staring at him. “Where is your massive dong?!” He screams, his face growing greener by the minute. “HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHY YOU’RE EVEN HERE?!” 

Soon enough his face begins to get so green that he turns into weed itself, in the purest form. It’s too dank, but Waluigi can’t look away. The dank kush begins to grow in size, consuming every thought Waluigi could ever have. He thrashes against the kush, tries to fight off it’s power, but he’s as helpless as an ant. He screams and kicks, but he is nothing against the raw power of the kush. Soon enough he doesn’t even know what he is fighting against, he just continues to scream. 

However, he feels the nightmare begin to lessen, and he is pulled back to reality by sweet suckle lips against his. The lips are as soft as anything he could imagine, the taste of his tongue as sweet as honey mustard sauce for wings. Waluigi slowly opens his eyes and is face to face with Guy Fieri sucking on his face as if he was sucking on the teet of his mother. At first Waluigi is alarmed, but slowly begins to kiss back, shoving his tongue in the sweet mustard that is Guy Fieri’s mouth. The taste of mustard becomes more strong, along with the slight taste of ass. Waluigi moans in Guy’s mouth, and moves his gloved hands along the beautiful curves of Guy’s bountiful body. Guy screams with pleasure at his touches, begging for more. Waluigi begins to feel his johnson begin to harden again, growing back to it’s twelve foot pole. Guy stares at it, his face flushed and begging. 

“Please, please brother. I can handle it. Put it in, please put it in.” 

Waluigi doesn’t need to hear this twice, and he begins to tug at Guy Fieri’s jorts, pushing them down his hairy legs. The jorts come off with ease, and Waluigi positions his monster dong at Guy Fieri’s aching hole. 

“DO IT!!” Guy screams, and Waluigi thrusts his twelve foot pole into Guy Fieri all in one shot. He stops for no breaks, going deeper and deeper into Guy until he runs out of dick. He pulls back to look at Guy Fieri, who is panting and attempting not to make any noises. 

“It’s okay.” Waluigi says in his squeaky voice, trying to comfort his new lover. “You can make noises, baby.” 

At this, Guy Fieri screams so loudly Waluigi feels his ears ringing afterward. He begins to thrust up into him, tugging at Guy’s short spiky hair and feeling hair gel get trapped between his fingers. Guy Fieri is tugging at his own meat rod at this point, trying to give himself some pleasure while a twelve foot long dick is attacking his asshole with unrelenting speed. 

Waluigi feels himself slipping closer to the edge, his cock throbbing so hard it’s almost like a phone on constant vibrate. He thrusts become erratic, and he pushes in one final thrust of his massive dongler before he loses it. Purple baby batter explodes within Guy’s asshole, filling every crevice of Guy Fieri’s body. Some of it even drips out of his mouth. 

It looks like purple paint has spilled everywhere, and Guy Fieri’s asshole begins to leak all over the floor, spewing purple everywhere. Finally, all the batter has been released. 

It’s quiet for a few moments, and Guy hops off of Waluigi’s massive wanker, more purple dripping out of him as he lowers himself onto the floor in order to gather his bearings. 

Waluigi watches him quietly, staring at his cum leaking out of Guy’s gaping asshole. Suddenly an idea comes into his mind. “Guy.” He commands, authority in his squeaky voice. “I want you to lap up my baby batter.” 

Guy looks at him, horror and disbelief in his expression. “But there’s at least ten gallons of it in here!”

However, Waluigi isn’t having his shit, “Lap it all up right now, you bitch.” 

Seeing as he can’t disagree with this logic, Guy Fieri gets to it. He goes on his hands and knees, reaching his tongue down to lap up a particularly deep puddle of the purple cum. His tongue slips in and out of the puddle like a cat lapping up warm milk. He can even feel himself humming, almost imitating the purring of a cat. 

Waluigi watches him intensely, staring at Guy’s beautiful pink tongue dipping in and out of his purple seed. Soon enough, every spot of purple is gone from the floor and walls of their anus cavern. Guy Fieri had consumed ten whole gallons of cum. 

“You’re incredible.” Waluigi whispers, staring at Guy Fieri with affection. 

“No, Waluigi, you’re incredible. I’m just a small town girl.” Guy says, blushing and looking away. 

Waluigi gasps, his heart beating faster. “Living in a lonely world?” 

Guy Fieri nods, tears filling his eyes. “I took the midnight train goin’ anywhere.” 

Waluigi shakes his head, disbelief lacing his voice. “But, Guy, I’m just a city boy. Born and raised in South Detroit. I took the midnight train goin’ anywhere.” 

Guy Fieri rushes forward and grasps Waluigi’s hands, staring deeply into his eyes. “Don’t stop believin’, hold on to that feeling. Streetlight people, livin’ just to find emotion, hidin’ somewhere in the night.” 

Together, they hold hands and begin the tread out of the darkness of ignorance, and into the light of truth. They are both enlightened, they understand what it means to be alive. The meaning of life....

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for readin, pardner. i can't believe it's been 5 years since this fic has been written and we're still doing this shit. crazy fuckin times.


End file.
